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[25 Nov 2004|04:39pm] |
thanks to all who gave me feedback on my latest song. you guys rock.
Patrick Simonds of Sleeping Prophet is doing a remix of "Dreaming"... for those who don't know, he's the guy who was kind of a mentor to me back when i was still recording under the artist name Maudlin Rhapsodist and nobody had heard of me. he's a brilliant fucker and his remixes are always daaaaamn good. if you haven't already, check out his music at http://ampcast.com/music/7773/artist.php
thanks to Az for spending the time and money to burn off 20 Clinical Torment demo cd's and hand them out at the Skinny Puppy show in Minneapolis. and thanks to Samantha for getting my shit played in a couple of clubs out there in Hawaii. this brings the list of goth clubs i've gotten played at to 14 now... fuck yeah.
by the way, happy let's-get-fat-because-we're-americans day. i was gonna go with Suzi to her family's little feast this afternoon, but i was really really tired, so i decided that spending thanksgiving alone and miserable is totally the more industrial rock thing to do. and now here i am. alone. and miserable. woOooOo! i suck.
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[23 Nov 2004|07:20am] |
finished a new song tonight. it's about me, an ex-girlfriend, and an addiction.
i feel like i kind of captured the music that plays in my head everytime i start doing lines... i'm really happy with how the song ended up feeling like coke to me.
anyway... please let me know what you think.
Clinical Torment - "Candycaine"
(right click, Save Target As...)
( lyrics )
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[22 Nov 2004|06:43am] |
i was going to finish recording one of the new Clinical Torment tracks tonight, but i started having major computer problems in the middle of the first fucking vocal take. god damn spyware. by the time i finally located and bitch-slapped the culprit with my old friend Registry Editor, i was so irritated with my computer that i no longer felt motivated to record. arrrgh.
oh well... i've got this newfangled SD Resident running to monitor my processes from now on, so hopefully this won't happen again.
in other news, apparently even Psyclon Nine are signing to Metropolis Records now. this is further proof that Metropolis is the biggest baddest industrial label in the universe and i absolutely MUST MUST MUST get around to sending my god damn demo off to them. i wanna come play with the big kids, dammit.
i've been listening to lots of metal lately. from Anorexia Nervosa to Bloodbath to Old Man's Child to fucking GWAR. just been in that mood, i guess.
there's something i want to say but i guess i won't.
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[19 Nov 2004|05:16pm] |
suzi's walking in the parade right now. haha. loser.
so... i downloaded the new eminem album, because his lyrics are usually pretty clever and funny as fuck. whenever he releases something new, i always download it and listen to it once or twice and then get tired of it and delete it.
but with this album, there's actually a song worth keeping. it's called "puke" and if you don't have it yet, you should give it a chance. there's no rapping, just eminem singing and being the mean-spirited bastard he is. i wish he would ditch hip hop and do more stuff like this.
oh, by the way. ( just because i'm really bored... )
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[15 Nov 2004|04:59pm] |
Ol Dirty Bastard is dead. gee, what a shame. the talentless, obese, wife-beating CRACK HEAD died while in the studio, doing what he does best: annoying the shit out of everybody and calling it "hip hop."
granted, i've downloaded some of ODB's music... but i don't listen to it as a fan. i listen to it for the novelty of saying to myself, "wow! so THIS is what washed-out mentally-challenged crack head music sounds like!"
in other news, Jhonn Balance is also dead. i can't say i'm personally too upset about it, since i never cared for Coil and i absolutely loathed Psychic TV, but it still sucks to see a fellow industrial musician bite the bullet. bummer.
anyway.
for tonight's creative writing class, we all have to attend the Romeo and Juliet play at VU. i'm less than thrilled. i'm really god damn sick of that play... and i despise Shakespeare (for the obvious reason: he's a fucking plagiarist swine). oh well. shouldn't take TOO terribly long. i hope.
by the way... if you don't have "Sinmachine" (the new Nik Page album) yet, you need to fucking get it RIGHT NOW. it's some of the best german industrial rock i've ever heard. the second song, "Road of Damnation," is really lame, because they collaborated with Tanzwut, who brought along their obnoxious bagpipes... but the rest of the album is really great. "Dein Kuss" is one of the most kick-ass songs ever recorded.
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[11 Nov 2004|10:48pm] |
well. bridget just showed up at my house, in tears, to talk about this whole thing that's been going on. she looked me in the eyes and swore that she never cheated on me, and that she didn't spread all those rumours about me that i kept hearing. at first i didn't believe her, but she kept swearing it was true and crying... and i've never been good at seeing her cry.
i told her that, provided she's telling the truth, then i was in the wrong, and i take back all the shit i said about her. we agreed to let this whole spat finally end between us, and to leave each other the hell alone.
on a completely unrelated note, i got to see kelly and kelley last night. it was damn cool. i'm kind of worried about brahm now, though. if you read this, give me a call, fucker.
saw "shaun of the dead" the other day... god damn hilarious. and it had a lot more gore than "dawn of the dead" had. you all must see it.
new music's coming along. i promise. no, really. it is.
suzi's sniffing me. little fuckerhead.
yeah. so. she and i are going to go play halo 2 now, because we are losers. bwaaaa.
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[05 Nov 2004|08:21pm] |
not a whole lot's been happening lately. i've been spending pretty much every day with suzi. that girl is such a trippy human being sometimes... she's like a walking, talking headfuck. it's so damn cool.
new music is still coming along, but i've been distracted lately. it's all suzi's fault. honest.
winter's coming. as much as i hate snowy weather, this season does things to my head that i've kind of learned to enjoy. i've been seeing things in the dark again, more often than usual. it scares me and i like it.
i swear, i'm going to be fucking balls-to-the-wall crazy by age 30. just watch.
hey, i need some new shit to read. you guys should recommend some authors i would like. i'm into anything dark and surreal, and i'm a big fan of anything about drug culture, sexual perversion, murder, and/or the devil himself.
keep in mind that my favourite writer of all time is william s. burroughs... so the more outlandish and bizarre an author is, the better.
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[03 Nov 2004|05:56pm] |
so... the monkey gets to stay in office.
america, you should be ashamed of yourself.
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[01 Nov 2004|06:21pm] |
so. in my creative writing class, pretty much all we do is share our poetry with the class. which is fine by me, because i write lots of poetry.
anyway... these chicks keep bringing in poems they wrote about giving birth. so tonight, i'm sharing "bastard lullaby"... just because i find the idea of antagonizing women to be really, really funny.
oh, shut up. you love it.
in one of my other classes, i'm giving a speech about my life with the thrill kill kult... that should be interesting. my teacher already hates me, and now i'm going to talk about a band that's all about drugs, strippers, and satan. heh.
oh yeah. this has nothing to do with anything, but apparently my song "the scalpel and the whore" was used in a haunted house up in terre haute. they used it in a room with a chainsaw. hell yeah.
anyway. time for class.
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[30 Oct 2004|11:54pm] |
saw that new "saw" movie tonight. it had a great plot, but they made it VERY easy-to-swallow. it's nowhere near as fucked up as everyone's making it out to be.
it focuses mostly on these two guys locked in a room... you don't even really see much of the other victims. the guy-crawling-through-razorwire scene everyone keeps talking about only lasts about three seconds, AND it's in fast-forward. a woman almost gets her jaw ripped off, but doesn't. a guy gets burned alive, but you don't even see it happen. a guy hacks his foot off, and all you see is a little blood. no stump shot, no muscles being sawed through, just a little blood trickle as he begins sawing. talk about disappointing. throughout the whole movie there's a few good gore shots here and there, but they're like half a second long.
all in all, the people who were so disturbed by this film are probably the same people who thought "the blair witch project" was terrifying.
anyway... when i got home, my mother decided to ruin the good weekend i was having. she loves to suddenly get really really pissed off over the MOST RIDICULOUS SHIT EVER. it's unbelievable.
thanks for ruining my favourite holiday, ma. i'll be sure to remember this.
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[29 Oct 2004|08:14am] |
doug bradley, the guy who played pinhead, came to campus today... he talked to us about death and corpses and gore and stuff. it was pretty fucking cool. he also recited a nice little gruesome "hellbound heart" passage, did some horror storytelling, and made a bunch of jokes about dying. i enjoyed it.
i had him sign my nightbreed vhs (which he was pleasantly surprised to see) and my hellraiser poster, and i asked him what he thought of all the musicians out there sampling his voice. he said that he wasn't too fond of the heavy metal bands that do it, but that he liked the dark electronic bands that do it. further proof that doug bradley fucking rules. i asked him if he'd heard suicide commando's hellraiser album... he said no, but he'll check it out.
anyway. i saw "the grudge" today. it was actually pretty damn creepy. not much gore, but plenty of spooky-ass cgi shit and random jump-scares. definitely worth seeing.
tomorrow, suzi and i are going to see that new "saw" movie... because, you know, seeing people hack their own limbs off gets me all kinds of hot. i can only pray that there will be stump-fucking.
i just got gothminister's "gothic electronic anthems" album... and you know, although their name's a bit gimmicky, the music's not half bad. stompy dark ebm with distorted guitars and weird vocals. works for me.
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[26 Oct 2004|06:36pm] |
can't decide if i feel like going to the show on nov 13th... the birthday massacre are the only band there even worth seeing, if you ask me.
i used to kind of like deadstar assembly back when all i'd heard was their "send me an angel" cover and some really dark, slow song... but then i heard all their other songs and i realized that d.s.a. are the DUMBEST SHIT EVER. they're basically a repetitive fucking nu-metal cock rock band with very, VERY simple synth riffs. it's kind of like coldwave, only dumbed wayyyy down. they even scream retarded shit like "i don't need therapy! i don't need therapy! YOU don't need therapy! i don't need therapy! YOU don't need therapy! i don't need therapy!"... riiiiight. no thanks.
celldweller and crossbreed are gonna be there too... AGGGH!! i don't really feel like sitting through christian "industrial" rap-metal and MORE nu-metal with synths just to see the birthday massacre.
no offense to those who like that stuff, but i grew up on chemlab, kmfdm, hate dept, biopsy, frontline assembly, and the like. if a so-called "industrial" band doesn't have at least somewhat intelligent electronics, then i'm not really interested.
fuck. i'm late. time to go to class and record some more bullshit MIDI gangsta rap.
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[25 Oct 2004|12:30am] |
it's been a good weekend. spent pretty much all of it with suzi. we watched the prophecy 2 and 3... i was kind of disappointed in both. especially the latter. gabriel as a good guy just doesn't work. and where the fuck was satan??
new music is still coming along, as always. i've got a particularly nasty little number about fucking a dead girl that should be finished by next weekend.
BY THE WAY...
it's been called to my attention that a LOT of people are having trouble finding a hacked copy of Reason 2.5, the program i use for all of my sequencing needs. some of these people are even considering paying the asinine price (hundreds of dollars) for a retail copy.
this just isn't right. don't throw away all your hard-earned money like that. and please, don't restrict yourself to the crappy sounds and limitations of Fruity Loops either.
just get in touch with me through AIM or e-mail and i will *ahem* point you in the right direction of getting all three Reason discs for much, much cheaper.
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[20 Oct 2004|02:39am] |
finished a new song tonight. it's about someone i used to know a long time ago, and what became of her when "what went around" came back around.
please let me know what you think.
Clinical Torment - "Eyes"
(right click, Save Target As...)
( lyrics )
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[17 Oct 2004|11:48pm] |
finally got my car back from the shop after my little wreck. only cost me about three hundred bucks. though that's pretty much the only good thing that's happened lately.
i'm so fucking sick of everything.
i need to get the hell away from this town.
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[12 Oct 2004|10:34pm] |
right. so.
in my recording class, i'm one of 3 white kids. there are usually at least 12 or so black kids in there with us, some of which aren't even enrolled in the class.
anyway... every time we have class, the majority of these black folks love to be obnoxious as hell. they won't listen to you. ever. even when you point out something they're doing wrong. this is because they know everything there is to know about recording, and you couldn't possibly teach them anything new. a lot of them are already even calling themselves producers, although they could never find their way around the console without help, or even tell you what a god damn COMPRESSOR does (other than "it compresses shit").
when they're being recorded, half the time we can't even get them to pay attention. when they fuck up a take, rather than waiting a few seconds for us to start recording again, they start going off and playing a completely fucking different song. when we talk into the headphone mic and ask them to stop jamming so we can get back to recording, they pretend they can't hear us. today it took us ONE HOUR AND TWENTY MINUTES to even get them to pay attention long enough to get ready for recording.
even when they're NOT the ones being recorded, they're in the stuffy little console room with us, singing (badly) or rapping over the music so that we can't even hear what we're working on. the professor has given up on trying to get them to shut the fuck up, because he knows they won't listen.
and this is my favorite part:
in every single class, when the recording is done and it's time to do a mixdown, us white kids stay behind at the console. EVERY SINGLE BLACK KID LEAVES THE ROOM.
apparently they're going to make it in the business without ever even learning the fucking craft.
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[09 Oct 2004|07:09pm] |
well, shit.
just when i thought life couldn't get much worse, i wreck my fucking car.
i'd just dropped suzi off at her house, and i didn't yield at a stop sign... on this lovely road where everybody goes real nice and fast. so this rather expensive-looking 2004 hyundai comes crashing into the back door of my driver's side. hahahahaha you love it.
man, that was some crazy shit. loud crunchy metal sound... my fucking car spinning... silverchair blaring in my cd player, telling me they'll make it up to me in the year 2000... my head thrashing around, leaving my neck hurting like fuck. oh, speaking of which -- AGGGGGGGHHH!!
nobody else was hurt. their bumper and hood were all fucked up, but i'm insured. so HA! but my back door is mauled, and my back tire is looking like the axle is bent. which pretty much means i don't have a car anymore.
i rule.
fortunately, i still have $400 laying around, as well as an $800 check i haven't cashed yet. so at least i can cover the insurance deductible, and have a head start left over to help get me a new car. but that's $1200 i didn't exactly want to just send down the drain.
you know, i really didn't need this right now.
i REALLY fucking didn't.
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[07 Oct 2004|01:11am] |
god damn it.
i can't take this back and forth shit.
one minute i'm fine... the next, i start falling apart again.
GET THE FUCK OUT OF MY HEAD.
i see your eyes in dreams
- paris burning
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[04 Oct 2004|10:02pm] |
it's strange how quickly things can change.
the more i start to disconnect myself from the dead end that my relationship with kelly had become, the more i begin remembering exactly how much i've got going for me these days.
i still keep hearing about how my music is all over the damn place. it's fucking great! apparently "Dreaming" is getting lots of club play and radio play... and "The Point of No Return" is still holding its own as well. people keep asking when they can order the first CT album... i just hope the artwork gets finished sometime soon, 'cause i'm anxious as fuck to get it out there.
i've got several other new songs that are about 3/4 done... and so far, i'm really really liking how the sound of the new album is coming along. i've been chock-full of inspiration lately, and i guess i'll always be in love with that familiar thrill of still having more bile to spit.
i've got so many fucking IDEAS...
anyway. i'm off to go pick up suzi. later.
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[04 Oct 2004|03:10am] |
went to altered image and got a couple more holes poked in me today. so now i've got 2 new rings in my left ear cartilage. i think i might go back in a few days and get a ring in my right nostril as well. why not. i need more metal in my face.
anyway. nothing else has changed.
still aimless. still lost. still miserable.
FUCK dreams.
... and fuck memories, too.
you can't unmake a cold mistake
you can't undo the hearts you break
you can't erase the poet's fate
not even if you try
- the cruxshadows
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